Everybody complains about politicians. "How is it possible to have a civil war? "Dont just teach your children to read. Politicians don't care about you. "Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. Board Messages . My first rule: I dont believe anything the government tells me. That's about as close as you could get to pegging him as any party affiliation. They got you by the balls. "Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. This is the best we can do folks. He died from heart failure in 2008, survived by his second wife Sally Wade, and his daughter, Kelly. George Carlin quotes and jokes about politics and religion "Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. No other time but to see how human nature really shines, am I right? But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. You don't. You have no choice! So, maybe, maybe, maybe, its not the politicians who suck. Believe me, my friend. ''It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. No nothing! G eorge Carlin was ahead of his time. And if somehow, you must join, if its unavoidable, such as a union or a trade association, go ahead and join. ", Join half a million readers enjoying Newsweek's free newsletters. "If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders. "Everyone smiles in the same language. He talked about things that could be considered controversial, like politics and politicians, religion, drugs, and the demise of humanity. "War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class men off to die. Because you have the illusion of choice. This is what we have to offer. These George Carlin funny quotes on religion, government, and stupid people will make you laugh as well as think about things deeply. The late great stand-up, actor and occasional philosopher George Carlin was known to cross the lines of what polite society would call good taste, but he himself drew a few lines when it came. I don't trust none of them. This cookie is used to detect and defend when a client attempt to replay a cookie.This cookie manages the interaction with online bots and takes the appropriate actions. No neonatal care, no day care, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. In fact, liberals are so successful at winning the culture war that they are alienating most Americans. Determines whether the visitor has accepted the cookie consent box. They've got you by the balls. This gif says it all: Carlins performance is being passed around on social media after a leaked draft opinion from the Supreme Court indicates that Roe v. Wade may soon be overturned, paving the way for abortion to be outlawed in parts of the nation. They dont pass through a membrane from another reality. "There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. You have owners. They dont want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. God has a three-day weekend. George Carlin, The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. Others see it half empty. "Electricity is really just organized lightning. Whatever you do dont make it go viral! The cookie stores information anonymously and assigns a randomly generated number to recognize unique visitors. You don't say that about cats. I just dont have as many people who believe it. George Carlin, Now, theres one thing you might have noticed I dont complain about: politicians. The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. In his 1996 HBO special Back in Town , the late comic legend and social critic George Carlin nailed the hypocrisy of social conservatives who rail against abortion and birth control with. If youre offended by foul language dont watch this f**king video. F*ck Hope. ""Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? This information is then used to select advertisements delivered by the platform and measure the performance of the advretisement and attribute their payments. I think the life cycle is all backwards. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. This cookie is used for storing country code selected from country selector. ", 94. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. Whenever some boomer try's to lecture you about how their first job in the 60s they only made $3 an hour, just remember, $3 in 1969 had the equivalent buying power as $25.01 today. Nobody seems to care. Contents 1 Quotes 1.1 FM & AM (1972) Men are insecure about the size of their dicks, and so they have to kill one another over the idea. "What if there were no hypothetical questions? Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window), Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window). George Carlin quotes are hilarious. ""The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post 'Thou shalt not steal,' 'Thou shalt not commit adultery,' and 'Thou shalt not lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Issued by Microsoft's ASP.NET Application, this cookie stores session data during a user's website visit. "Atheism is a non-prophet organization. There's a nice campaign slogan for somebody: 'The Public Sucks. RT @JamesMelville: "They own everythingThey don't care about youThey got you by the balls." ~ George Carlin He absolutely nailed it. "Sometimes people say, 'Do I try to make audiences think?' Scorecard Research sets this cookie for browser behaviour research. ", 54. Craziest Republican Quotes of the 21st Century, The Funniest Political Quotes of All Time, Funny Arnold Schwarzenegger Quotes as Actor and Politician, Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. 123 Rocky_Roku 1 yr. ago Didn't he say that he despised liberalism just as much as conservatism? ", 101. ", 26. "The planet is fine. There is actually a semi-important figure in American history who is named for a blow-job movie. This is what we have to offer. This is one of the greatest social and political commentaries of the modern era. ", 64. This is the best we can do, folks. They dont wanna hear from you. "We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. Simple thing. George Carlin was one of the more popular and influential comics to emerge from the 1960s counterculture. AddThis sets this cookie to ensure that the updated count is seen when one shares a page and returns to it, before the share count cache is updated. George Carlin on The Late Late Show with Tom Snyder 1998 RayHamburger 95K views 4 years ago George Carlin on the Illusion of Choice in Politics. They own you. Pattern Integrity Films set the bit to photos and video clips from modern-day America and the result is devastating. "So, have a little fun. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, 'Why not?' ", 81. "If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. Am I right? We're all fucked," Carlin once said. I think I need to show them that I have brought myself to a cleverer, smarter spot than they have.". Theyll get it. ", 34. "I think people shouldbe allowed to do what they want. So I don't trust none of them. Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet. If a dog can do it, you can watch. That's what the owners count on; the fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white and blue dick that's being jammed up their assholes everyday. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. It seems only right. The 2023 theme was "cooperation in a fragmented world," with WEF noting, "The world today is at a critical inflection point. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Say what you want about America land of the free, home of the brave we got some dumb**s motherf**kers floating around in this country, Carlin says over the images. Maybe something else sucks around here like, the public. "I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously. '", 73. This cookie is set by the provider Mixcloud. ", 120. "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. You throw out the first three commandments, wssst! This cookie is set by the BlueConic. They want more for themselves and less for everybody else, but Ill tell you what they dont want. George Denis Patrick Carlin was born on May 12, 1937, was an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic, and author. In the footage from his 1996 HBO special, "Back In Town," Carlin tears into the pro-life movement: "Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to 9 months. ", 90. And complaining about the politicians. Ice Cube also recently voiced concerns that neither political party would actually be able to make a positive change for the betterment of Black Americansand that's reportedly the rapper's whole reasoning for working with the White House on the Platinum Plan, which aims to develop Black businesses and communities. It also helps in fraud preventions. "Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight? AdScale sets this cookie to target ads by registering the user's movements across websites. Known for his lack of patience for bullshit, the comedian regularly skewered all politicians, the election of Donald Trump as president would have particularly peeved him. The JSESSIONID cookie is used by New Relic to store a session identifier so that New Relic can monitor session counts for an application. When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. George Carlin, I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimers disease where they slowly began to recover other peoples lost memories. George Carlin, When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts.